It's a constant struggle to feel comfortable where ever I am. I used to think I didn't want anything to change. I cried, inexplicably, when I was ten and we were moving away. I couldn't understand why - I was so excited for the adventure, and the chance for something new, and then I balled and balled. I guess I learned young that change is inevitable, and unstoppable.
It's more or less second nature now. In fact, if too much time passes and everything is the same, it starts to feel unreal, like I can feel a major event coming, the way you can feel a storm. But I precipitate these events so I don't have to wait for them or get caught off guard. I've been feeling one lately, a huge one, and I think I know what it is.
Jobs are easy. I change jobs a lot.
No, no this is way bigger. Like changing lives. I feel like I'm going to (like I need to, really) change lives. I spend my free time looking at apartments on craigslist in different cities, some I have no chance of ever getting to, some I wouldn't really consider anyway. I plan moving costs, job opportunities, google street view cities and towns and roads and everywheres.
It'd be easier not to go anywhere, but it wouldn't feel right.
I can't fall asleep anymore. My internal clock is all messed up. It's getting ahead of me.
Jesus, I can't believe I'm twenty-two. Where did all those years go?
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